These are desperate times, and our world is full of gloom and doom. I limit watching the news to 10 minutes because it only makes me feel worse. There are way too many loved ones in my life who are dealing with such awful challenges. I confess to spending more time in prayer than ever before.
Readers are not sending funny stuff, and since humor is a great reliever of gloom, if even for just a few moments, I turned back to a column written a year ago. I barely remember it, and I bet much of it will feel new to you.
Thanks to the readers who sent in the following before our world went belly-up (most sources unknown).
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• “I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart while they’ve never seen one of his paintings.”
• “It has been kind of a strange day. First I found a hat full of money, then I was chased by an angry guy with a guitar.”
• “I asked my grandpa, ‘After 65 years, you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What’s the secret?’ He said, ‘I forgot her name five years ago, and I’m afraid to ask her.’”
• “If I had known in March it would be my last time in a restaurant, I would have ordered the dessert.”
• “I still can’t believe people’s survival instincts told them to grab toilet paper.”
• “Keep in mind that even during a pandemic, no matter how much chocolate you eat, your earrings will still fit.”
• “I never thought the comment ‘I wouldn’t touch him with a 6 foot pole’ would become a national policy, but here we are.”
• A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband the following text: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you were laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!” The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: “I am on the toilet. Please advise!”
• Two things to make your day better: 1. Do not watch the news. 2. Stay off the bathroom scale.
• “The dumbest thing I bought this year was a 2020 planner.”
• “Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.”
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By Joseph Kesterbaum
A young couple moved into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the washing outside. “That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.” Her husband looked on, remaining silent. Every time her neighbor hung her laundry out to dry, the young woman would make the same comment.
A month later, the woman was surprised to see nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, “Look, she finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her that?” The husband replied, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”
And so it is with life — what we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look. So don’t be so quick to judge, especially if your perspective on life is clouded by anger, jealousy, negativity or unfulfilled desires. Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.