In last week’s column, you only got half the story because of space restrictions. Today, as the famous Paul Harvey used to say, is “the rest of the story.”
To refresh your memory, I wrote about going for a spontaneous drive with Lin Lindly and getting hopelessly lost in an area called Beaver Valley. We ran into an old guy in coveralls standing by a tractor. We seriously pretended to be from California and in dire need of help in getting back to the highway. He seemed so happy to point us in the right direction. What you did not learn last week was that two miles down the road was another old guy fiddling with some farm equipment, so we got to play our silly game over again. What are the odds of two damsels in distress getting help from two old guys two miles apart on the same beautiful day?
Last week’s column featured half of a day brightener sent in by Gina Nielsen, and today you get the rest of it, so enjoy.
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Men Are Just Happier People
Nicknames — If Laura, Kath and Sara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kath and Sara. If Mike, Dave and John go out to lunch, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wild Man.
Eating out — When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in 20 bucks, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get the bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money — A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale.
Bathrooms — A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
Arguments — A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Future — A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Marriage — A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she will not change, but she does.
Dressing up — A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural — Men wake up as good looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Offerings — Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dental appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the day — A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
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I think Lin and I will always laugh about our day with what we refer to as “our Beaver Valley Boys.” Laughter is definitely the best medicine!