Disorder in the court
I have a thing about lawyers. I’ve always found them funny, fascinating and sometimes frustrating, depending on how they are impacting your life.
One of my first jobs was that of a legal secretary in a large law firm. I replaced a woman twice my age who went on to work for a congressman in D.C. The attorneys expected her same fast-paced performance from me and I went nuts trying to keep up the pace. Still, it was one of the best jobs of my professional life and I often considered becoming a court reporter.
So, why am I bringing up lawyers today? Two reasons. Last weekend we went to a birthday party held in the ballroom of a local hotel. I’m not using names out of respect for peoples’ privacy. The invitation said “COME IN YOUR JAMMIIES”...and almost everyone did. My eyeballs nearly popped out of my head as I recognized folks we have known for years and years, but never dreamed we would see them in their jams. Or bathrobes. Or bunny-feet bedroom slippers. It really was one of the most outstanding costume parties we have ever attended (or thrown ourselves) and hats off to the creative host and hostess who put this party together.
To be factual, the host was - and still is - a well-known attorney. What blew me away were the other local lawyers who walked in wearing what is worn to go nighty-night. Of course, you could hear laughter ringing from the rafters with everyone admiring one another’s get up. Our own attorney sat across from me and I kept thinking of all the times we sat across from him at his office - except on those occasions he was certainly not in his pajamas - nor were we.
By the time we left the party I knew, somehow, this column should be about lawyers, but had no clue how to go about it until the next day when I fired up my computer. What to my wondering eyes should appear but a day brightener about court reporters and how hard it is for them to keep a straight face because of the ridiculous stuff they hear and have to record. What you are about to read is true - unbelievable, but true and since you do not want to mess with lawyers, I did a search on the Internet and found an attorney named Charles M. Sevilla who is one of many lawyers collecting crazy stuff actually said in court and making the rounds on thousands of computers. Mr. Sevilla calls his book “Disorder In The Court.” Since this is a family newspaper I am not using the x-rated examples - just a few to make your day - some of which had to be carefully edited. Use your imagination.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeeboks
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
I now admit to having one big regret in life. Just think of all the material I would have for this column if I had chosen to be a court reporter.
Bobbie Lippman is a professional writer who lives in Seal Rock with her husband Burt, their dog Charley and a shelter cat names Lap Sitter. Bobbie can be reached at Bobbisbeat@aol.
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