831 NE Avery Street, Newport, OR 97365 • Ph: 541-265-8571 • Fax:
E-EDITION LAST UPDATED:
Current E-Edition

Top Stories Sports Community Business Opinion Entertainment&Arts Obituaries Advertising Photos Home 

Bobbie’s Beat

Posted: Friday, Dec 7th, 2012




And God created children

God created children and, in the process, grandchildren. To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews or students, here is something to make you chuckle. Credit goes to steady reader Nan Wangerin of Newport. This “day brightener” made my day, and I’m betting you will enjoy it, too.

• • •

Children (author unknown)

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to his own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was “Don’t!”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit,” God said.

“Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!”

“No way!”

“Yes way!”

“DO NOT eat the fruit,” said God.

“Why?”

“Because I am your father and I said so!” God replied, wondering why he hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break, and he was ticked! “Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?” God asked.

“Uh huh,” Adam replied.

“Then why did you?”_”I don’t know,” said Eve.

“She started it!” Adam said.

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set, and it has never changed. If you have persistently tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be too hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?



Things to Think About

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproof our homes, but they are still getting in.

• • •

That’s it for today, folks. I’m still laughing over child-proofing our homes, which I clearly remember doing so many years ago. Oh yeah, the day brightener ends with this: Advice For the Day - Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day! And finally, if you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “TAKE TWO ASPIRIN AND KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN!!!”

Thanks to Nan Wangerin for giving us the giggles today. Heaven knows we all can use a time out from the gloom and doom going on in the world. By the way, I am being inundated with day brighteners sent by readers, and next week might just be a lolla-paloozer - that is, if my editor lets me get away with it. Stay tuned.



Bobbie Lippman is a professional writer who lives in Seal Rock with her husband, Burt, their dog, Charley, and a shelter cat named Lap Sitter. Bobbie can be contacted at bobbisbeat@aol.com

Share on Facebook











Select Page:
Within:
Keyword:

Google

Entertainment







 

Copyright 2014 News Media Corporation

News    Classifieds    Shoppe    Search    ContactUs    TalkBack    Subscribe    Information    E-Edition    Business Portal