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Beach Slapped

Posted: Wednesday, Dec 5th, 2012




The cutest child in the known universe

Many years ago, before I had a child, I vowed I would never, ever, ever, EVER enter my kid in a child beauty pageant. Mainly this was a moral thing: I hate these pageants and parents who put their kid in them. Given that my gene pool would likely result in a fence-post ugly kid, it was also convenient.

Fast-forward to today, however, where by all accounts I have the Cutest Child In the Known Universe (copyright pending). Adorable beyond the capacity for reasonable thought, I think God would forgive me if I entered her in some heinous, soul-sucking contest just to satisfy my own vain and pathetic needs. Still won’t do it, of course; all those pageant-loving should still be flogged. But I think God would understand why I got off my couch, drove to a suburban mall, and prayed to the heavens that my daughter would get “discovered” doing something by someone who could make me very, very rich.

Conveniently, as it turns out, I won’t need to get off my couch.

For the complete article see the 12-05-2012 issue.

Click here to purchase an electronic version of the 12-05-2012 paper.


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